Forgiven
by Thraceaddicted
Summary: Songfic. Lee places Kara's pic on the memorial wall post Maelstrom


I've never done something like that, but when I listened to this song after Maelstrom I just had to use it! So give it a chance and comment if you liked it.

Couldn't save you from the start  
Love you so it hurts my soul  
Can you forgive me for trying again?  
Your silence makes me hold my breath   
All the time has passed you by

Lee stood in front of the memorial wall, a picture of Kara in his right hand, a candle in his left. He gently stroked over the pic with his thumb, lost in memories he had been trying to hold back ever since she exploded hours ago but now the images flooded his mind. The first time he had met Kara had been when Zak had brought her home as his fiancée. He had looked into her eyes when he shook her hand and immediately knew that he had to protect her because deep inside she was so beautifully broken that he became her guardian angel. Time and time again he had tried to protect her, tried to give her something worth living for but yet they always ended up arguing and hating each other even though she'd always been the one thing he'd loved more than his own life.

This time he had been too late. He had tried to save her this time again, of course, but he had found himself absolutely helpless, yelling at her to come back but in the end he had to let her go, something he'd never wanted to do in his whole life.

Standing in front of the memorial wall, knowing that Kara was now a legend, nothing more than a picture among all the others, took his breath away. He really couldn't believe that it was over.

Their legend.

The tale of Starbuck and Apollo, tamours of the stars.

For so long, I've tried to shield you from the world  
You couldn't face the freedom on your own  
Here I am  
Left in silence

You gave up the fight  
You left me behind  
All that stands forgiven   
You'll always be mine  
I know deep inside  
All that stands forgiven

She had given up, he knew it. Death had offered her something, life couldn't give her. And he didn't mind her having taked that step towards a state of peace where she could finally find serenity after all the years of suffering.

Everyone had hurt Kara in her life, every person she had loved somehow left her behind or damaged her sould with their acting and Lee knew that he had been one of them, maybe the worst one because she once had loved him and his behavior had cut deeper than everything else.

He fought for air as he placed the candle upon a pillar and lit it, the picture still in his hand. Here he stood, left behind by the person he had loved, and was unable to place her picture on the wall next to Kat's even though he had promised to do so.

Putting the picture to the wall would make it so real, so final that he couldn't bear it, not yet. Still he expected her to appear behind him, laughing about his stupidness to believe that Starbuck really had died because there was nothing in the universe that could bring Kara Thrace down.

Despite herself.

Watched the clouds drifting away  
Still the sun can't warm my face  
I know it was destined to go wrong  
You were looking for the great escape  
To chase your demons away

He knew that his life had changed and nothing would be the same anymore. How could he go on living, enjoy the simple things without her by his side? Lee remembered their day on Cloud Nine, where they had lain in the sun, smelled the flowers and just spent some hours of peace together.

That had been perfect bliss for him.

But for Kara those moments had been rare.

The demons of her past had haunted her every day until she finally let go and took one final step to escape them.

Lee wished he had been there for her, took some of her burden from her shoulder and had given her the strength to go on.

I've been so lost since you've gone  
Why not me before you?  
Why did fate deceive me?  
Everything turned out so wrong  
Why did you leave me in silence?

Finally, he raised his hand and placed her picture where it belonged, even though tears of pain and anger ran down his face when he honoured Kara Thrace one last time.

"Why you, why not me?", he whispered and wished he had flown into the storm with her, exploded with her side by side.

Starbuck and Apollo, reunited in death.

That was what he dreamd of.

He had already had the weapon in this hand to end it but was unable to do it. He didn't want to leave his dad and Dee behind, for them he wanted to be strong and go on for a little longer. His heart had died with her anyways.

He couldn't feel anymore.

Could barely breath without her but yet he would go on.

You gave up the fight  
You left me behind  
All that stands forgiven   
You'll always be mine  
I know deep inside  
All that stands forgiven

He didn't know how to say goodbye to her because nothing seemed good enough for her, she deserved something more than just some words. Yet he stroked over the pic for one last time and said: "Goodbye Kara. Find the peace you deserve…"

Then he turned around and headed back to his quarter before Dee realized that he didn't sleep next to her anymore.

Kara Thrace had died.

But in his heart she would remain immortal until one day they would meet again…


End file.
